Emotional Walls

Express Yourself

Tell us about a time you couldn’t quite get your words or images to express what you wanted to express. What do you think the barrier was? For bonus points, try again.

Hmmm…I am having one of these moments now haha…only kidding a little here lol

The words of the day are “Emotional Walls” (Damn, this should be one word, “word of the day” sounds soooo much better, but I digress.):

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I guess I will say that this happens a lot to me, I tend to have a very hard time expressing what I feel or think..especially if what I am wanting to say or do has some deep emotion connected to it (love, anger, sadness, etc.). An example of my emotional walls getting in the way would be the fact that it took me the better part of a year to call an ex-boyfriend (not Johnny) my boyfriend even though we had been dating for awhile and everyone knew he was my other half…yeah it was bad. lol It’s espcially hard to express yourself when you are so self-critical which I tend to have that problem. I like to draw and write, but I have a habit of disecting my own work to the point that I end up hating something that most others are (usually) impressed by.

Anyway, in reference to expression well when the situation with Johnny arose I didn’t curse at him or disrespect him, so many different thoughts popped into my head and I was pretty much in shock so I couldn’t express what I felt at that moment. Basically, I told him that I wish he would have told me how he felt sooner, wished him the best and told him I hoped he found what he felt he deserved. I had to say the latter part because as upset as I was, I didn’t want the karma of hoping he found what I FELT he deserved. lol Point being, I didn’t really express why he upset me and as he later posted a Facebook status questioning why I would be upset I am assuming he was confused and/or slow. It took me months to work up the courage and the words to actually tell him what I felt; I sent him a short e-mail. In the e-mail I explained that I had him on a pedastal, that I measured all others by how amazing he was to me when we were together and for him to have known what I suffered only to use it against me, that it hurt. He hurt me and I explained that it had nothing to do with an injured vanity, it had everything to do with my feelings. As I have already said I am not a person who shares what I feel easily and there are few that know me on the level he knew me on (I’d say maybe 3-4 in my lifetime). As expected, he never wrote me back, but I hope that I gave him the explanation he needed because I definitely got the closure, the chance to express myself, that I needed. 

Wendy

 

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Thought this was appropriate considering the topic 🙂 Happy Thursday/Friday everyone 🙂

Pictures from Ask Insane Elaine  🙂

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