Come Fly With Me…to the Dominican Republic

DAILY PROMPT: COME FLY WITH ME

Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.

The furthest place I have traveled from home thus far has been to the Dominican Republic back in 2007. It was my first time venturing out of the States by myself and it was very scary, but I loved it. The people are amazing and the country is beautiful. Here is a photo of el malecon (“boardwalk”) de Puerto Plata.

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Piña Colada anyone?

Image from Soul of America

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Why am I a masochist?

En serio (SAP button “seriously”) why? Why do I decide it is okay to torture myself?

Long story short; for the past month or so I have been modifying my eating habits and just recently (like over the last week) decided that I was going to implement a walking regimen along with the improved eating habits. I was feeling awesome, tired, but on a high (whether it was from the changes or lack of oxygen from walking from 0 to 2 miles daily I don’t know…hey..tomato/tomatoe lol). In one of these “highs” I decided I needed to up the ante; not only because I knew that strength training is a crucial component to any fitness regimen, but also because I was feeling “AWESOME.” You know what “upping the ante” translated to? Me trying to do P90X…yeah…I was high. lol

funny-big-bang-theory-workout Photo from Dump a Day

A quick little somewhat newsflash here, I am not a small girl, not by any stretch of the imagination, even height-wise my 5ft 6in frame towers over most of my Mexican female counterparts and fitness level wise well you probably guessed that one from my “0 to 2 miles” bit. I lead a very mediocre existence that consists of a lot of sitting for both jobs as well as school so to say that I am out of my element with P90X would be a HUGE understatement. Funny thing is I decided Friday (11/08/13) that I was going to start the program the very next day, I mentally prepared myself the best that I could and Saturday (11/09/13) started. Day one (P90X Lean Phase Core Synergistics) felt like I was learning to walk again except on stilts while holding a walrus.

funny-pictures-aquatic-mammal-does-exercise-and-feels-the-burn Photo from Raids

I found out just how out of shape I really am, I mean I thought I knew, but there are levels and I discovered a new one. Everything hurt and my face was a very alarming shade of red by the time Tony Horton’s demonic self had stopped going on about “cooling down” to which I said many expletive laden sentences all directed towards Tony. All whining aside, I finished it. I finished the workout. I did it! It wasn’t pretty or perfect, but I committed to start something and I actually followed through. Yes, I was sweaty, tired and hating Tony Horton, but I also felt a little powerful. Okay, a lot powerful, so much so that I even “pushed play” again yesterday and finished Day 2. Today, I feel more sore than powerful, but still I feel amazing. I feel like I might actually do this. In fact, I set a little reward of sorts for myself; if…no no no…WHEN…I finish this program (90 days from the 11/09/13 so that would be 02/07/2014) I will buy my plane ticket to Australia. Yup. That is my goal. I think those 90 days of sweat and torture will be a small price to pay to fulfill a life goal/bucket list item. BRING IT, TONY!

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Emotional Walls

Express Yourself

Tell us about a time you couldn’t quite get your words or images to express what you wanted to express. What do you think the barrier was? For bonus points, try again.

Hmmm…I am having one of these moments now haha…only kidding a little here lol

The words of the day are “Emotional Walls” (Damn, this should be one word, “word of the day” sounds soooo much better, but I digress.):

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I guess I will say that this happens a lot to me, I tend to have a very hard time expressing what I feel or think..especially if what I am wanting to say or do has some deep emotion connected to it (love, anger, sadness, etc.). An example of my emotional walls getting in the way would be the fact that it took me the better part of a year to call an ex-boyfriend (not Johnny) my boyfriend even though we had been dating for awhile and everyone knew he was my other half…yeah it was bad. lol It’s espcially hard to express yourself when you are so self-critical which I tend to have that problem. I like to draw and write, but I have a habit of disecting my own work to the point that I end up hating something that most others are (usually) impressed by.

Anyway, in reference to expression well when the situation with Johnny arose I didn’t curse at him or disrespect him, so many different thoughts popped into my head and I was pretty much in shock so I couldn’t express what I felt at that moment. Basically, I told him that I wish he would have told me how he felt sooner, wished him the best and told him I hoped he found what he felt he deserved. I had to say the latter part because as upset as I was, I didn’t want the karma of hoping he found what I FELT he deserved. lol Point being, I didn’t really express why he upset me and as he later posted a Facebook status questioning why I would be upset I am assuming he was confused and/or slow. It took me months to work up the courage and the words to actually tell him what I felt; I sent him a short e-mail. In the e-mail I explained that I had him on a pedastal, that I measured all others by how amazing he was to me when we were together and for him to have known what I suffered only to use it against me, that it hurt. He hurt me and I explained that it had nothing to do with an injured vanity, it had everything to do with my feelings. As I have already said I am not a person who shares what I feel easily and there are few that know me on the level he knew me on (I’d say maybe 3-4 in my lifetime). As expected, he never wrote me back, but I hope that I gave him the explanation he needed because I definitely got the closure, the chance to express myself, that I needed. 

Wendy

 

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Thought this was appropriate considering the topic 🙂 Happy Thursday/Friday everyone 🙂

Pictures from Ask Insane Elaine  🙂

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Oooo…ouch….

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(Art by Ursulav..click pic for the site)

Sad But True

Yay so right into the deep end of the pool we go lol

My “Harsh” moment came a little over 3 years ago in the form of an ex-boyfriend who I cared about very, very much. On this particular day (October 4th, a Monday….oh yeah I very much still remember), it was evening and I had just arrived back home from visiting my ex (let’s call him “Johnny”) in NY. In the airport, upon arriving, I texted Johnny letting him know I had arrived safely and was on my way to baggage claim…he said something along the lines of “Glad you made it” and I got a litte busy collecting my baggage so when I heard a follow-up text notification I thought nothing of it, figuring I would wait until I arrived home. Once at home, I finally read the text and it said he needed to talk to me, that he had been thinking alot, now mind you it doesn’t take much for me to read people and prior to my leaving NY I felt a different vibe with him so I KNEW something was up, this “I’ve been thinking” gave me the “we need to talk” alarm bells immediately. The guy had already been busy with work a month prior to my visit so honestly I had already been slowly preparing for the inevitable break up and so this moment…it wasn’t so surprising for me..I was almost anxiously anticipating it. (I hate dragging things out and dealing with drama so if it’s over let it be over…why make each other suffer?) The next text I was so not expecting…”I realized that though I love you and love who you are emotionally and mentally, your personality, you are everything I could want, but I think physically you could be better. If you just worked on it you would be perfect. While you were here I couldn’t help looking at other girls and being attracted to them and it made me feel guilty.” (completely paraphrased, but yeah the gist of what he TEXTED is all that)….I was floored. My heart, literally, I could hear it break. 

Ok I have always had weight and self-esteem “issues” from childhood; my parents didn’t exactly deal with that in the best way, and so his critcism, which may have been given with the best of intentions (and for all I know just really poorly executed), broke the skin from a rather large, slow healing emotional wound. It wasn’t so much what was said, I could deal with that, it was the fact that it was HIM that said it. A person I had bared my soul to, who I admired and who had told me repeatedly how beautiful I was, how much he loved me for all that I was just told me I wasn’t good enough. HARSHHH….I cried…I damned him to I multiple levels in Hell…in English and Spanish…I drank and ranted to my best friend…oh yeah it was on. Finally, I (reluctantly) accepted that he was right. I could be better physically, BUT not with him. I couldn’t be his idea of “perfect.” His perfect was one that remained amazing, but yet gave in to the whims of a man solely to keep him; he wasn’t looking for me to break up with him, but I did just that. Johnny hurt me, because I allowed it, I allowed myself to be brought down by a man-child with absolutely no tact, who didn’t even have los cojones to call me and tell me all that mess, someone who had no business looking down his nose at anyone. I allowed him to almost break me.

Three years and many ups & downs later, I am still standing and have learned much from the experience. I will never allow anyone to bring me down or feed me their truth; this is my journey and I choose to love me…imperfections and all.

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This is step one…

Well hello…so I am looking for more productive ways to remain on track in this journey of “self discovery.” I’ve had a lot of changes go down in my life over the last 6 months or so and it has really been a whirlwind for me, with me balking at the changes and then finally accepting the inevitable truth: Life is ever changing and who I am today, right now, in THIS moment may not be who I am a year, a month or even a day, from now. I have gone from someone who resides in the smallest of states and being perfectly comfortable with my “small city” life to wanting to get the hell outta dodge in the worst way..like literally outta dodge…straight out of the COUNTRY. Me? The one that didn’t even consider moving to another state for a realtionship? Who saw herself living within minutes of her parents? Me? Out of the country? Yup. Crazy change. I want to move out of the country not for love, or because there is some lucrative oppurtunity waiting for me (not yet anyway) or even out of sheer boredom (which no one would blame me for if they lived where I have for the last 18 out of their 28 Earth dwelling years lol). No, I want to move solely because I feel it is something I HAVE to do; I can’t explain it, it’s just this deep seeded restless emotion that says “you are not for here…get out.” It’s only a very loud whisper now and perhaps in a year it won’t be there (see my “who I am is ever changing spill” above), but right now I am listening. I am making moves, finishing up my school work, cutting back expenses and getting myself into control so that when/if I make this physical move my mind and emotions have long since made the transition. Anyway…enough metaphysical babbling…I am off to try and get some more work done (hopefully). Here’s to change and keeping up with this blog. lol

((Hugs))

Wendy

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